Or… the three Wheelers all have their worst day on a bike ever!

Stage 12 of the 2022 Tour de France, 104 miles and 15,500 feet of climbing from Briancon, over the Galibier, Croix de Fer and finish at Alpe d’Huez!

We had booked through the tour operator Destination Sport Experience (DES) who were very good and looked after us well. Would recommend them if anyone else doing any of these big events. Really took away a lot of hassle and stress, leaving us to just ride our bikes.

Travel on Friday was all fine, got to our base at Alpe d’Huez and built bikes up. Saturday morning easy leg spin, went down 5 bends, turn right for the spectacular balcony road to Villard Reculas. Turn around and back up to the finish line for a wee fun sprint. Did you know we were faster than Wout van Aert 😊  Felt great and started looking forward to the Etape.

We then had to hand over the bikes to our DES reps, as they were being transported to the start for us to pickup tomorrow morning. An afternoon of chilling, eating and worrying about tomorrow.

Only thing I would say about staying at the finish and the tour operator picking up the registration numbers etc was that we missed out on the Etape Village experience and vibe. Felt sorry for Ally as his first Etape, felt a wee bit short changed.

Sunday 2:30 alarm was a rude awakening, then on to the bus for the 2 hour trip to the start line. Really felt tired and sitting on the bus didn’t help. Then off to find my bike, get ready and roll along to the start pens. Was all fine, just stupid early. Organisation from the Etape was great.

My ride plan was always very conservative, not go to deep, ride to 70% power and enjoy it, should be 8 ½ - 9 hours at a steady pace!

After the usual hanging about waiting for the off, to the sound of AC\DC and Didi the Devil high fiving us, at 7:15am I was on my way. Best Etape start I have had with wide roads, no street furniture, less stressful and no carnage! The first climb up to Lauteret was rolling, all good, big ring stuff. Then you turn right and hit the Galibier proper. Temperature was cool, legs felt good, and was sticking to the keep it easy plan. Really enjoying myself. Views were amazing! Over the top at 2642 metres and then the decent starts technical, then opens up, great fun.

Stopped at Valloire for water and food. DES provide 2 private feed stops, best thing of the whole tour, so much better and less stressful the than the crowded Etape bun fight! Quick pit stop and then the 5km climb to the top of the Telegraphe then great descent to the valley section.

Was in a group for the valley and chapping along nicely, without pushing, was up on my time plan, so thought I could take it easy and still be on course for a respectable finish. Realised at the foot of the Croix de Fer we had covered ½ the distance but still had most of the 15,500 feet of climbing to come!!

Croix de Fer was brutal. First third, around 7km at 8.8% average. Then an easier 11-12km middle section. Taking it real easy, I stopped at the second DES feed stop at Saint Sorlin, around 8km from the top of the climb. Stomach was gone by this point, in knots, temperature rising rapidly, around 30 now. Legs felt fine.  Last third of the climb was back to awful, I really knocked back the effort, probably 50% effort. Eventually over the top and was still a little up on time plan. Descent is fast, until you are 2/3rds down and there is a horrible uphill section that drained me. My stomach was in bits now, couldn’t really eat or drink. As we descended it went from hot to being in a hairdryer, the air was so warm.

After the descent there is a 10km valley section along to the foot of The Alpe. I was in a group, sitting in, taking it easy, and then boom – first real shot of cramps and had to stop. Stretched it out, felt okay and rode easily to the foot of the Alpe. At this point I was bang on my time plan of being at the foot of The Alpe in around 7 hours.

I have ridden Alpe d’Huez a few times. I have ridden 5 Etape du Tours and this was my 13^th big Euro event. I have experience of these things! But never have I had as bad a 14km as this. Plan was to go as easy as possible and stop at the 2 water stops on bends 17 and 7, just get there even if it takes me 2 hours! I couldn’t get to the first bend without retching and cramping. For almost the next 4 hours I cycled a few hundred metres, stopped when cramping or retching to find shade and throw up. Repeat.  After bend 6 I decided to walk as surely couldn’t be any slower than having to stop every few metres. Still felt sick and still throwing up. After an eternity, I finally made it to the top of the climb and into the town, stopped again to recover. The last 2 km to go is a lot easier, so I set off and made it up the last wee incline past bend 0, flat through town and the last 300 metres uphill to the finish.

Etape 2022 done, and so was I.  

Lay down in the shade for a bit and then took me 30 minutes to walk the 1km back to the hotel as still throwing up!

Eventually Ally made it back to the hotel and was just about as bad a shape as me, having suffered with the heat too. Unfortunately, Jamie was a DNF, stopping near the top of the Croix de Fer to get a bail out cable car off the mountain and the bus back!

None of us saw if there was any post event village or celebrations as we just went straight back to the hotel to collapse.

All three of us had the worst day on a bike ever! But don’t let that stop anyone else from having a go. 😊

My official time was 10:57. Ally was 11:16.

There were a lot of DNF’s, only 8,685 completed it out of 16,000 who signed up, that’s a lot more DNF’s than there usually is.

If you want to see how it should be done, Le Tour pros do it all on Thursday 14^th I expect it will be quite the stage!

After the shock revelation (to me anyway) that I actually enjoyed the Team Time Trial we did in 2019, here we go again.

We were never going to trouble the podium, leave that to the Wheeler's womens team who were robbed by a combine harvester. None of the male team  are TTers, no skin suits or pointy hats and pretty much normal road bikes we would use on a club run. But, it's the taking part and supporting the event and doing the best we could on the day.

Arrived in plenty of time, to find out the course was changed, shorter, due to roadworks. At least we should beat our 2019 time now :-) Downside, the new route had a twisty gravel section with a blind junction back on to the main road!

After the usual sign on, faffing about, and wee warm up, we rolled out to the start line for our 9:42 time.

Weather was pretty kind, not hot and wind not too bad. Off we went, keeping the effort manageable and the formation was pretty good. Run out to the first turn flew by and was feeling okay. Wee hiccup on the exit of the turn as the formation split, Jerry powering on, but quickly got back in shape and the four of us pushed on.

The slog after the second turn doesn't get any better, but kept a good pace, with us all rotating nicely. Then we hit the detour and the gravel section. Wasn't too great, twisty, rough (but then so was a lot of the normal roads). Glad the marshals were on the ball as we got back on to the main circuit road otherwise we would have had to dead stop to check for traffic due to bushes!

Off we went on lap 2, so far so good. The pace crept up slightly as we knew what was coming and all 4 stayed together. After the last turn, a 2 mile drag then another 6 miles to the finish. Last mile and time to give all we can as Jerry and Ally drove the pace with Brian and me hanging on. A last wee kicker uphill, then the final sprint for the line and that was it, all over for another year. We stuck together right to the last sprint and all worked well.  I think we did as good as we could, without going down the slippery slope of getting all the aero bikes and gear :-)

The male Wheelers team (Brian, Graeme, Ally, Jerry) finished in 20th place with a time of 1:19:48 (24 mph average). We were ahead of 5 other teams,  an improvement on our last place in 2019 :-) Would really recommend it, it is actually good type 2 fun. You don't need to have all the TT gear to take part. Everyone was welcoming, friendly and good event.

The Wheelers female team, who had their own fun and games with covid tests, farm machines etc (Karen, Abigail, Helen, Morag) were pipped to the podium.  Great effort to finish 4th with a time of 1:25:42.

The new female champions are Torvelo Racing (1:20:43) and male champions are Ryan's Bike Surgery-Thomson Homes (1:04:30)

Big thanks to Steve and Karen for post ride coffee and cakes. Thanks to the Wheelers (and others) who were out on the course cheering us all on, it does make a difference (ta for the pics I have used).

Also, a big thaks to the organisers, marshals and everyone else who put on the event in still trying times (the bridie was great).

Cheryl Walker's participation in the Gran Fondo world Championships in Poznan didn't go to plan ....

Gran Fondo Poznan – IT’S A LONG ONE!!!!

Not sure how much detail you want/are interested in so it’s probably going to be a long one, look away now if you are easily bored.

Gran Fondo World Championship, Poznan. Effectively age-group amateur road race that you need to qualify for in order to have your chance to race for your country. I qualified back in June in Cambridge to represent GB, with some 2000 athletes due to compete on Sunday 1st of September a fairly big event.

Flew Friday morning from Edinburgh and arrived in Poznan midday their time. Poznan airport is really handly and central, 5k away from our apartment and apartment around a mile away from expo, race brief, race reg etc.  Logistics – tick.

Friday - built the bike headed to race reg to receive my pack which consisted of general stickers, bib number and the worlds ugliest sports bottle you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Expo was mediocre with the size of event but I still managed to spend some zlotty. By Friday mid-afternoon it was heating up to 30degrees...Poland was having a heat wave we were told, fabulous.

Saturday was a “try and have a session” day and consisted of mainly resting and remembering to ride on the right plus heading to the very slap-dash race brief at 5pm. To be honest the entire weekend was a bit “slap-dash” sorry Poznan but the organisation was extremely poor for the size of event. I spoke to no-one who disagreed - the entire weekend. Bed early, kit out buzzing for the morning that lay ahead of me. Saturday was also around 30degrees and I was getting increasingly worried about the temperature as just walking around was a task, never mind the 90 something miles I was having to ride the following day.

Sunday. Very civilised start of 09.42 I was in with a large age group of 19-34 females. I got to my own pen early and got chatting to some other brits and some awesome Aussies! Trying to stay in the shade before the start & hydrated as I knew there would be none out on the very bleak Poznan roads. Long, straight, flat, exposed and a road surface as gritty as any in Angus.

Started well, kept with the main bunch which took off at around 27mph, it’s always a shock to the system but adrenaline kicks in. Accelerating out of every corner and up every lump as expected we were getting strung out and I was into the red pretty quickly but praying it would calm down if I hung in. Before the first 20miles came the first of two crashes.  An, assumed touch of wheels in the middle of the pack and a bunch went down, hard. The group split the girls ahead of the crash were off and I was behind it all, a huge gap in seconds. Gone.

Collected ourselves about 10 of us in the newly formed bunch worked hard, we caught a few men and we picked up a few more. The miles passed but it was getting hot, in the race brief they had told us their would only be 2 feed stations in the middle of heat wave for a route of 93miles, temperature around 33degrees. Most of us opted for 2 bottles on the bike and a small bottle in the jersey to avoid having to stop at the aid stations where they were handing out bottled water with screw tops intact!.

Around 40(ish)miles the second crash came. On the right to me, again another presumed touch of wheels, I was at the left of the pack and like dominoes we went down. I remember seeing a red bike go down in front of me and my front wheel hit her bike and over I went into the grassy ditch. Woaw, panicked, not really sure what to do. It seemed both in slow mo but also over in a flash. I got up in total shock, shaking wondering if I was okay and was the bike okay. Yep seemed fine – right lets go, girls were getting up around me although some didn’t. Next came the fatal error which was going to ruin my day, I now realised on my bike I no longer had two 750ml bottles I now only had one, and the one that was half empty. I’d lost my full bottle of diluting and shit I’d also lost my 450ml bottle which was in my middle pocket in my jersey. Oh shit. It was hot, boy was it hot. I lost the bunch and tried to stay mentally strong but I was alone and struggling. I got myself to the feed station 107km (68miles) I knew all was pretty much lost and it was just about survival now so I decided to stop at the feed station I felt ill.

The next thing I know I’m being picked up under the arms by two people and helped into an ambulance. They took my bike off me. It’s all a bit hazy but from there on it was lots of questions, stuggling between polish and English and off to the medical tent I went.

The medical staff were great but it was proving to be some experience. I had 3 litres of fluid pumped into me. The first insertion was painful and unusual (ive never had fluid before – in fact ive never had anything like this before I barely take paracetamol) My left arm was connected to the drip and shortly after the drip started my arm started to swell, im talking SWELL – the vein had collapsed and it was going into my tissues. Excellent.

After some movement I now had a drip in my right arm. But all seriousness thanks to the medical staff for looking after me. Some hours later my mum was able to find me – we were both relieved to see each other and I just wanted home. 

That’s pretty much it. It was over…

Oh no wait, where was my bike? That’s right I remember a man popping his head into the ambulance and telling me he would take my bike…several hours later man and bike were located! What. A. day.

Anyway sorry for the spiel! But that was Poznan!

After swerving this for a few years as didn't really enjoy it, took the plunge as Team Wheelers needed a man for the Mixed Team of 4 - so glad I did.

The biggest faff of this event is the registration, which is at the Excel Arena. It is handy for nowhere, and a 3 train journey from Kings Cross where we were staying. Decided to register on the Friday evening to beat the Saturday rush and glad I did as met Fabian Cancellara who was doing promotion duties and riding on the Sunday.

Other than that, underwhlemed by the bike expo, a massive Evans shop and not a lot else of great interest. The goodie bag is basically a Prudential branded bottle and that was it!

Team Wheelers comprised Andrea, Cheryl, Ally Mills and me and the plan was to go round together and aim to break the 5 hours. Up at 3:30am to try and eat a porridge pot before meeting the Team at Kings Cross station - which was heaving. The ride out to the start at the Olympic Park was around 6 miles and easy enough as Andrea had the route on her Garmin and as we hit the CS2 there were a fair few others going the same way. We actually arrived at the Park BEFORE the start gates had opened! On the plus side, the weather was perfect even at 5am, warm, no wind and dry.

It must be a logistics nightmare to try and get 27,000+ riders on 3 different event distances all off and seemed to go to plan. The first wave is off at 5:44 and the last around 9:30am! We were in the second wave, which was great as meant not too many folks ahead, later starters had to contend with very busy roads with riders of all abilities, a few crashes, route closures and a tough day - thankfully none of that for us.

Bang on our start time of 5:48 we were off and got into our formation of me - Andrea - Ally - Cheryl. 

I knew it was a fast start, with groups blasting past, but kept to our plan and pacing. So pretty much the next 100 miles I sat on the front, looking over my right shoulder to check Andrea was there, the odd shout of "steady" to keep me in check, and had a great ride :-) No idea if I was leading 3 others or 100 in our group, so in my head I was Tony Martin leading the Peleton round. Also, if you need advice on cornering without braking ask Cheryl, or you may have heard her back in Dundee as she "offered" advice to some folks who had tagged on to us as we rounded the one sketchy tight corner, that vexed her a tad.

Apparently we did the first 40 miles at a 23mph average, believe it was mentioned at least once :-) which was my plan as knew we would lose some time when we hit the hilly section. First up is Newlands and the start of the hills. We agreed to regroup at the top / bottom which we did and when I could catch Andrea on the descents we settled back into our formation. Thankfully due to the early start the roads were not busy and we could go at our own pace, not having to dodge too many people or folks walking up the hills. Next up was Leith Hill which is the only "proper" climb on the route, a couple of wee sharp bits before a rather sketchy descent on the worst surface of the whole route. Again, glad it wasn't busy as really wouldn't fancy that with 1,000's of others around.

Then a wee roll along to Europe's most ridden Strava segment that is Box Hill. It is a lovely climb, but it is pretty easy, helped by the super smooth surface.

Then a quick bottle fill at the top, where Andrea didn't have to break stride as she entered the feed stop, we picked up her bike and walked it to the exit as she got her bottles filled and off again - an F1 team would have been proud :-)

Only 32 miles to go and a lot of it downhill or flattish. We were making good progress and with about 25 miles to go Cheryl asked "have you done the calculations" to which my reply was " yes, it will be close". We needed to keep a 22 mph average for the last hour to get under 5 hours and I knew there was a nasty wee bit at Wimbledon, where the road kicked up - but there were hoards of folks cheering us on which was great.

The miles ticked by pretty quickly and we passed Houses of Parliament, through HorseGuards and on to the Mall for the sprint finish.

I pulled up to let the 3 others roll up so we could go across together and realised too late the finish line was sooner than I remembered and we crossed it before Andrea got beside us! Quick check of the time, we had done it, 4:57 official time :-) I think it was all down to the perfect pacing by the lead domestique.

I had a cracking ride, loved it, think being in the team was great and all getting round together under our target was fab. The crowds were out in numbers all along the route and loads of shouts of encouragement, think us being in team formation got us lots of shouts. It is well organised and a great ride (if you get an early start). Only drawback was there was nowhere to get a beer at 11am once we finished!

Garmin stats for me: